5 Out Of 4 People Have Trouble With Math.

I have been told by various people about the importance of math in everyday life. Just having read that statement about 30 percent of people just passed out. If you are waking up, then read on. It has been said that math even helps with effective communication skills. That is one of the reasons I use math to try to explain various aspects of my current life. I use these formulas to help my friends understand why I am not at the beach working on a case of melanoma, hiking, biking or even sitting at a restaurant ordering another round. It’s simple; let’s look at the following examples.

I have a dollar; it cost two dollars to live. I don’t make enough to live.

1 dollar- 2 dollars = -1 or no life.

Let’s not forget this one.

The amount of money deposited into your bank account is directly proportional to the cost of the object to be repaired or replaced.

1 dollar saved – 1 dollar for car part = 0 dollars or no life.

Now, these formulas are not universal, the consistent factor in both formulas is yours truly. This might also be the same factor which led to the Chaos Theory. I am working hard to prove that connection. Stay tuned.

Take That!

So, last week I celebrated my birthday and by celebrated, I mean I worked. What do you really expect at my age, birthday celebrations have never been anything to remember, until now. A dear, sweet, friend and former co-worker who, for whatever reason, still feels that I am worth saving, committed an act of immeasurable generosity that made this last birthday one of the greatest ever. I won’t go into the details but I will say that it filled me with hope and gave me purpose. I felt new again, finding the drive that I had been lacking. An important moment which called for me to evolve as a person, yes even at my age. It was time for this old dog to learn a new trick.

Forward, I went into this week with a new outlook on life, ready to face new challenges and take charge. Apparently, my life took it personal and threw down the gauntlet.

I was in the area of the auto repair shop so, I thought I would schedule an appointment to look into a minor noise in my car. They said they had time to look at it today which, eventually, led to a cost of four hundred dollars.

Utilizing my new-found strength, I looked for all the positives of the situation. I said, “At least it’s not fourteen hundred dollars and it will be done today.” No sooner did the letter “T” in the word “today” leave my lips when the mechanic walked into tell me, there were more problems discovered; the parts were so damaged that they broke while trying to get them off the car. Naturally, they would have to order new parts which would not arrive until tomorrow and the new bill would be eleven hundred dollars. That would be more than one month’s pay at my temporary part-time job.

Staggering and up against the ropes after the cheap shots life had taken, I was still standing. No problem I thought, I will need a loaner car until mine is ready. To my surprise, there is no loaner car program, even when they break the parts on your car. After renting a car, my credit card bill and my phone number were starting to look the same. It was probably best to go home.

I was beat but hadn’t given up. I just wanted to sit down and regroup when I realized my apartment keys were on the key ring. Normally, if it was a planned visit, my keys would have been off the ring but since they said they could look at it today, well you get it. Life had given me the final “you are number one” sign for today, you know, the one using the middle finger. I still haven’t given up, not yet. I am trying to find the positive in this whole fiasco which, I guess, is the car will be worth more once it’s fixed. I’ll get more when I have to sell it to survive. Take that life! Stay tuned.

 

Life’s Report Card.

If you search for the most important things in life, you will find varying opinions of what matters most. Someone said that once we are born, we are automatically enrolled in the school of life. (Not affiliated with the school of rock, or whatever.) I have recently received my report card, I have a load of work to do. Stay tuned.

Life’s Report Card

Life’s LessonsC
Has difficulty understanding life’s lessons, other than life’s not fair. Recommend repeat course.

Learning From MistakesD
Constantly repeats mistakes. Similar to watching a movie over and over, hoping the ending will change.

RelationshipsD
Understands “no man is an Island” but thought it was a weight reference.

Career Choice –  C
Selected a creative career over a technical career. (See Decision Making.)

RecessA
Enjoys playing, hasn’t quite found the balance with work. (See Time Management.)

Time ManagementC
Spends too much free time doodling and running around outdoors.

Decision MakingD
Has mastered the art of bad decision-making. (See Career Choice.)

Good-bye 2016.

2016 was a hell of a year for me. I went from a full-time employee with benefits to a temporary part-time employee with no benefits in a new state. The math is undeniable, I don’t make enough to survive. It won’t take much to make 2017 better but it will take an extraordinary effort to make it great. Let’s hope I am up to the task. Thanks to all of you out there who have supported me. Stay tuned.

Getting Back To It.

Thank you to GIMP 2.8 and Inkscape. They two free software packages which have allowed me to continue putting out comics. It’s going to take a while to get used to all of the features and even the basic functions. I’ll take it. It’s rough being creative and having your ability to create in an electronic world taken away. I wish my latest work would have been funnier but I am just thrilled to be creating again. It’s my stress relief when everything else is going crazy. Thanks to all of you for your patience and for giving me something great to read while I was working things out. A special thanks to Rachel Mankowitz and the Cricket Pages (Rachelmankowitz.wordpress.com), Jen Paetsch Little Monster Girl Comics (Lmgcomic.wordpress.com) and Grumpy Young Bloke (Grumpyyoungbloke.wordpress.com) Whether it was emails of help or support or just consistently reading my strip even when it’s not as funny as it should be, thanks for reminding me that I should get back to it! Stay tuned.

Out of Business.

As you might have read from earlier posts, most of my electronic equipment has bit the dust in the last few months. I have had to purchase various products including a new computer, all without a source of income. I needed the computer since the only way to apply for jobs is over the internet. After bit of work I was able to get my scanner and printer run with Windows 10. Then came Adobe.

They have, over the years, swallowed up the other creative software platforms and become quite the giant. They eventually figured out that in order to make money, you now have to rent their software via the Creative Cloud. Not for me, I had purchased CS4 back in 2009 because it was an investment in my future. When I was working for Dave it was the industry standard. I purchased it online, was given my key code and on my merry way, until now.

I have had a few cartoons scanned but CS4 is giving me problems. It now tells me my license is not valid, but that can’t be because I paid fifteen hundred dollars for it. I contacted support and after loading and reloading then license repair tools and hours chatting with the group from Mumbai, I have come up empty. I should say left out to rot.

They were as helpful as a bag of concrete is to a drowning man. The last person told me, “well it is an older platform”. Translation, we are forcing you to buy something new but what we don’t sell software now, we rent it. I am angry. Look, it did what I needed it to and it didn’t matter if it had all of the bells and whistles but that wasn’t good enough. This group of speed bumps has told me there is nothing they can do. I can purchase a new license, get a Creative Cloud account and pay monthly rent on software I already own, REALLY! The “expert” told me to check the forums, are you shitting me? The people who made this product don’t know what to do and now they what me to check with other people like me who are lost. Well, guess what, that went nowhere too! I guess it would be asking too much to get me a license that F***ing works.

I am out of business and for Sam and Murphy, this looks to be the end until I can come up with an alternative to these thieving giants. If there is anything I wrote to offend Adobe, come and get me you Son of Bitches, you have my address!

I am sorry to those of you out there who are following Sam and Murphy. Sorry for this, it is not my usual kind of post, I try to stay positive. I will try my best but to be honest I just don’t have it in me with all of the other problems I have incurred since my move. Again, I am sorry, I’ll keep trying when I can.

Shopping.

I needed a new pair of shoes. It appears that the ventilation slots on the sides were actually holes. I usually shop online but with my lack of income new budget and time urgency, I thought I would go where the locals shop.

I eventually ended up in a department store which had a “sale” on the shoes I was looking for. Now I know why I don’t shop at stores.

When I walked in I was hit with what sounded like some kind of loop of someone with the hiccups reverberating out of the store speakers. I was told it was music. If you ever wonder how far down the hole the music industry has gone, go to a department store and listen to the playlist. Thanks Disney, great job! After a few minutes of that, I wanted to find Housewares so I could get something sharp to shove in my ears.

Eventually I made it to the Shoe Department which was a simulation of some kind of disaster scenario. Balls of paper which had been pulled out of the shoes were littering the floor and most of the boxes were busted or broken from people trying to shove shoes back in place after removing them. I think we should have a national IQ test; If you can put shoes back into the box in the same position they were in when you pulled them out then you should be allowed to obtain a driver’s license, register to vote and have children.

I found the “sales” shoes I was looking for and apparently shoes are now like jeans, they come in a “wore vintage look”. I would guess most of the residence of this state had tried these shoes on and possibly even run a marathon or two. I brought them over to the clerk because I figured someone might have stolen a pair and left their own shoes as tribute but this was not the case. She informed me that these where the shoes, that someone must have tried them on and walked through the department. I realize that it is necessary to try things on because it says size 11 but depending on the manufacturer, not always.

My problem was shortly after she said someone had tried them on, the only thought I had was of me standing in the checkout line at the grocery store this morning. There was this guy standing in front of me and he was wearing flip flops, his feet looked like an armadillo with dandruff. I’ll never look at potato chips the same. Anyway, I was sure he had tried on the shoes I was looking to buy. I smiled politely at her and said thanks, have a nice day.

I have decided to hang in there with my old ventilators until I can find a deal online. I don’t know what happens to the shoes in the warehouse before they ship to me but it has to be better. Stay tuned.

Communication And A Little Luck.

Communication Skills.

My people are known for their inherent luck, we even have our own cereal to prove it. “That’s me Lucky Charms.” That being said, I have to be the only one of my people who has missed out on this natural genetic occurrence.

It has been a long month but I finally got an interview, unfortunately it was the worse interview I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing. These folks did everything within their power to try to convince me not to work there. The person I was supposed to interview with was too busy at a luncheon to do my interview. That’s the winning attitude gang; we’re number one and deserve a luncheon! So I was handed off to the next person in succession, who shockingly, seemed unprepared. She took me around the department introducing me to the people I would be working with. Far be it from me to question the procedures of a big corporation but I thought it was an important step to actually interview the person before you start telling people this is your new co-worker. In all fairness, this was handed over to her sort of last-minute. I’ll bet communication is the key to their success.

After a wonderful tour of the facility, my tour guide handed me over to the department manager. I thought this was my chance to shine until he looked at me like I crapped on his best pair of Skechers Shape-Ups. He appeared completely baffled, kind of like someone looking at a radio for the first time and thinking, how do they get all of those musicians inside that box? Maybe he didn’t know they were hiring for his department. Huh, communication again.

His look suddenly switched to condescension when he said there would be very few hours available and then asked if I was capable of doing the job. I said I was more than capable of doing this job and apparently someone in HR feels the same way since I was scheduled for an interview after reviewing my resume. I probably should have smiled less while shooting off my mouth. Clearly we wouldn’t be hanging in the same social circles. As he walked away I noticed something I hadn’t before, someone had managed to put a rectum in a golf shirt and taught it to walk. You throw a fast ball, it comes back just as fast when it’s hit. How’s that for communication?

I was done with the whole process when I got word that I was hired and I should check my email for the next steps. I thanked everyone for the opportunity and on my way out the door I had already come up with an excuse about contracting monkey pox so I could turn down the offer. Two days later I got an email with the next steps. Oddly it looked just like a rejection letter. I had managed to get hired and given my walking papers in just two days. I have never been fired and now I can say I was fired from a job I never worked a day on. I would like to have had a luncheon for my last day. I guess they all got together as a company and finally communicated when it came to my application. See, I was able to improve their communication skills in just one visit. Thank you Irish Luck, I knew you were hiding somewhere in my DNA. I can save my monkey pox story for another time! Stay tuned!

Boom Boom…Out Go The Lights.

Boom Boom…Out Go The Lights.

I need a moment of silence, my computer is dead. My work horse, entertainment center and creative station has left the building, right behind Elvis. It has shaken off this electric coil and left me kicking and screaming as I am being pushed into the twenty-first century to upgrade. Hasta la vista or “Vista” as in goodbye Windows Vista. I did manage to salvage most of my important files by making several promises to never to use the computer for that again, no more gaming. What did you think I was talking about?

Lucky break though, I have an old notebook which I bought years ago for just this kind of occasion but it’s running Windows 7. Lucky break…gone. This notebook was meant to read email and do some quick internet searches. Yeah, right. It is slower than a snail on Lithium and when the ads load, well let’s just say you would have plenty of time to go to Thailand if you wanted Thai food. It’s like streaming a movie on a dial-up connection. I like shadow puppet theater while I’m waiting.

I can’t load any of the programs I use to create Sam and Murphy because the machine can’t handle anything more than a screen saver. I am also experiencing compatibility issues. I understand why some of the software is incompatible but my scanner, printer and other hardware are also incompatible, like reality TV and quality programming. I am going to need some time to figure this out, especially with no income, so during the intermission, you’ll be stuck with my run-on sentences writing. Stay tuned.